Below are a few funny jokes we've gathered from various internet sources. If you
have your own, don't hesitate to send it in to jcgh@ymail.com!
What do you call...
What do you call a coughing Quidditch commentator? Weasley [Wheeze-Lee]!
What do you call a teacher with a bad attitude?
Moody.
What do you call a teacher used to keep your Valentine safe?
Lockhart.
What do you call a bird with a Dark Mark?
A Death Tweeter.
What do you call a wand that doesn't work?
A stick.
Knock Knock
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
Yep! Avada Kedavra!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Avada
Avada wh- Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off-
Conversations
Harry: Hedwig's lost her voice
Hermione: Oh dear, is she terribly upset?
Harry: Nah, she doesn't give a hoot
Wormtail: Master, can you really rise again?
Voldemort: Certainly, but you may have to give me a hand
Harry: If they wrote a book summarising all of my adventures thus far, what would it be
called?
Ron: How about Harry Potter and the Half-Deathly
Order of the Secret Azkaban Fire Stone?
Hermione: Did you hear about the witch who won the lottery?!
Harry: No.
Hermione: Yeah, she went completely Knuts!
Harry: Is being a Dementor a fun job?
Dementor: No, it's soul destroying.
How many ___ does it take to light up a wand?
How many Quidditch players does it take to light up a wand?
Six to work the hardest and a Seeker to take the credit.
How many Weasleys does it take to light up a wand?
Who needs a wand, with all that bright hair?
How many Weasleys does it take to light up a wand?
Seven: Ginny to look upset and do nothing, Ron to sulk about not getting credit for
lighting up the last one, Fred and George to try and blow it up, Percy to yell at Fred
and George, Charlie to hold it in front of a cranky dragon, and Bill to roll his eyes at
all of them.
How many Weasleys does it take to light up a wand?
One, but they'll have to search through a pile of the twins' fake ones first.
How many Dark Lords does it take to light up a wand?
Two, one to light it, the other to kill him and take the credit.
How many Transfiguration teachers does it take to light up a wand?
Two, one to change a pen into a wand and one to light the wand.
How many house-elves does it take to light a wand?
One, but he'd better hope the Ministry doesn't find out!
How many centaurs does it take to light up a wand?
None, Mars is bright enough.
How many Lockharts does it take to light a wand?
Just one, but he's always busy fixing his hair and smoothening his robes. Of course, he
could light a wand with his eyes closed if he wanted to.
How many Muggle children does it take to light up a wand?
Two, one to light it [on fire], and the other to be blamed for burning down the school.
Other Jokes
Why did the witch put a her broom in the washing machine?
She wanted a clean sweep.
Is Harry's Godfather always game for a laugh?
No, he's always Sirius
Why does Dobby always criticise himself?
He has low elf-esteem.
Where do you find Dumbledore's Army?
Up his Sleevey!
What's Snape's Boggart?
Shampoo!
What does a Death Eater eat for breakfast?
Cruci-O's!
= This page contains plotline points and has spoilers.
