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Introduction

Harry Potter is a phenomenally famous book and movie series. The books, written by JK Rowling, were amazing and lead to the buildup of a massively gargantuan event when the seventh and final book was released. At the moment, every book has been released and five of the movies are currently on DVD, while the sixth is still in production. There are several Potter fansites in existence, including The Leaky Cauldron, MuggleNet, and many more! Harry Potter is an amazing series!
It may seem rather sad to write a book on how to annoy myself, but seeing as I already know what annoys me, it is not the hardest thing in the world.
This guide is for Harry Potter fans and others alike. To fans: you'll find out where everyone learned how to annoy you. To others: you'll find out how to annoy a fan. To people who don't know whether or not you are a fan: you can discover it!

Harry potter fan finder

If you are looking for a Harry Potter fan to annoy or you are wondering why you are being annoyed, or you are just wondering if you are a fan, you can use this Potter Fan Finder, found below. If you see somebody doing any of these things, or you are doing these things, you know if you/the person you are investigating is a fan. Note: All of these apply to me.

• They have a wand (which can be as simple as a pencil).
• They have memorized random scenes from the movies and can do a miniature play of it.
• Most/lots of their time spent on the computer is on MuggleNet or other Harry Potter fansites.
• They have read the books 5 or more times.
• They call a telephone a ‘fellytone’.
• They have a pet named after a Harry Potter character.
• They talk about Harry Potter non-stop.
• They have memorized most of the books.
• They have memorized most of the spells.
• They know the release date of the sixth movie.

Annoyance method #1

1. Find a Harry Potter fan. Use the 'Harry Potter Fan Finder' at the front of this booklet.
2. Tell them that you have read the first 4 words of the first book (Mr. and Mrs. Dursley) but then stopped because you found them “boring”.
3. Next, say that Harry Potter is “not all that it's jumped-up to be”.
4. After that, constantly talk about the actors in the movies, continually pronouncing their names incorrectly (e.g. Emily Watson, Ronald Grint, Danielle Radcliffe)
5. Then, repeatedly tell them that you think the movies are better than the books, and when they ask how you know what the books are like because you've only read the first four words, annoy them by not telling.
6. Tell them that you think Harry should've married Romelia Newbie (who isn't actually a person) and say that they are not a Potter fan if they don't know who she is.
7. After you have finished step 6, pretend that they don't know anything about Harry Potter.
8. Finally, ask them who Mafalda Hopkirk is. If they know, continue following these instructions. If they don't, repeat step 7.
9. If they still haven't been annoyed, it is suggested that you follow the other instructions.

Annoyance method #2

1. Firstly, find a Harry Potter fan. Use the ‘Harry Potter Fan Finder’ at the front of this booklet.
2. Then, wait until they talk about Harry Potter. The waiting time depends on the fan, but it can be between 10 seconds and 3 days, possibly longer if you have not found an authentic fan.
3. When they start talking about it, ask whom Harry Potter is.
4. When they explain what it is, snore loudly at their explanation.
5. Once they are done with their explanation, tell them that you were just kidding and you actually knew who it was all along.
6. Then, tell them you think the movies are better than the books. Saying that Harry Potter is “not all that it’s jumped-up to be” also helps in this step.
7. Next, constantly talk about the movies, describing scenes from the wrong movies (in the third movie, Umbridge was hilarious), continually pronouncing the actors names wrong (Emily Watson, Ronald Grip, Danielle Radcliffe, etc.), and saying the character’s names wrong (Raimus Lupin, Parry Hotter, Hirmeione Gragger).
8. Ask them how many movies are released so far. To a Harry Potter fan, this is common sense.
9. Ask them how many books there are. Again, this is common sense.
10. If these steps have not annoyed them, the only way to annoy them is by following the other instructions. If these don’t work, your fan is not authentic.

Annoyance Method #3

1. Firstly, use the ‘Harry Potter Fan Finder’ at the front of this booklet to find a fan.
2. Talk about Harry Potter, distinctly saying ‘I think it is mad how people like it’ over and over again.
3. Saying that Harry Potter is the strangest name in the world also helps.
4. After you have finished step 3, say that the movies are amazing and the books are way too long so JKR (JK Rowling) should just give up writing it.
5. Saying that you like the fifth movie best is what you should do next; most fans do not like the fifth movie as they cut out ¾ of the plotline.
6. Sixthly, asking how many books there are really helps in your annoying.
7. Next, ask what Quidditch (a wizard sport in Harry’s world) is. Say you find it to be quite a boring sport once they have finished explaining.
8. Make ‘movies are better than books’ your motto.
9. After, change the conversation. Although this may annoy them enough, casually ask ‘now what was the name of that kid with the scar again?’.
10. Once you have done this, ask if you can borrow one of their Potter books. Open it more than 180 degrees (more than halfway) and possibly break the spine.
11. Finally, Make up complete scenes and begin them with ‘remember when…’
12. If they still haven’t been annoyed and you have tried all of the instructions, your fan is either not a fan or is very calm. You should try another fan if this is the case.

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